But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
