No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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