careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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