and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
