he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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