watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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