I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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