I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
