Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
