i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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