wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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