So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
