Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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