you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How does it feel to date your dad?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
