I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
