Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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