this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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