So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
