That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We have started to decorate penises.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
