She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
