I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
