He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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