Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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