Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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