i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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