Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
