my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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