I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
