Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
