im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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