You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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