gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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