You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
