I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
