I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
