Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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