So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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