He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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