well I can't set my house on fire every night
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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