Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
