he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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