He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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