Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
Quick, to the slutcave!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral