i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.