Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she peed on how many people?
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I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude