i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
