Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
