Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
