i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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