he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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