The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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