she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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