Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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