Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
