I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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