Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
