i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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