so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
