So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
