what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
love makes seman taste better
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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